Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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