2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
