There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
