Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
