What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Randomize
