I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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