i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
