porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
