Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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