how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
