hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Congratulations! We have a period
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