he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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