That's when you crack a 10am beer
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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