forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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