the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
