If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
