she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
