i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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