The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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