The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
