were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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