Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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