I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
