I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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