i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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