I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
