Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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