she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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