i think my mom watched the whole time
You can't motorboat a personality
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
