so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
