You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
