I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
