Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
