Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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