I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
