OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
