On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
