So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I looked at my own cervix.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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