i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
