Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
