we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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