just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
