Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
