How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
