That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
