Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
