He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
