Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
