She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
