she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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