Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Randomize
