apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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