I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
