I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
