Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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