don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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