apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
