your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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