i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
