I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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