Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
