Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
