You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
