i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
