Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I love you.
Bad choice
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
