I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
