Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
