gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
