Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
