So drunk, too bad you don't want this
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
